it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
