i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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