Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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