Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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