I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
