so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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