When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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