My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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