just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
