sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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