dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
