PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
