I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
