I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
