I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
