just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
