no, he came in my armpit
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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