Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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