ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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