We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
