So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
