know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
