3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
