can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
