He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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