haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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