When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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