There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
