dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
