i just wanna soil my oats bro
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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