i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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