im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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