I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
