He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
