when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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