Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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