I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
