I want to make a zoo with you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
