wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
