I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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