sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
