apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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