My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
