Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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