I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
