I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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