I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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