True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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