everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
