I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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